When I head to the bathroom, it's (usually) to purge my body of some foul smelling food byproduct. Sometimes this activity comes with free sound effects for all to enjoy. I never feel I'm being rude by farting loudly while standing at the urinal or generating mini-splashdowns in the bowl after a particularly spicy lunch.
I'm sure you share the same opinion: this is not a place to be reserved. After all, you're either whipping out an appendage or dropping trou' and venting your buttocks in a shared airspace..
So, what compels people talk on their cell phones while in the bathroom? Microphones are pretty sensitive and are bound to pick up all sorts of toots, blasts, splashes, groans, hocks, and any other sound I haven't yet imagined (or don’t wish to conjure up memories of).
And so it is with these thoughts in my head that I bring you into my life once again. A few nights ago, I was in the bathroom at a restaurant. A guy walks in while I'm at the urinal, and he's talking on his cell phone with some fancy Bluetooth thing on his ear. You'd think he could have waited outside for a bit to finish his call, maybe with a really creative line like “hey – let's talk later, I’m walking into the bathroom”? Noooo... Just walked right in while talking. And goes to the urinal next to me. So, I felt obligated to send a message to the person on the other end of this obviously life-critical discussion. I let fly with a loud, legato blast with a slightly wet ending (and I admit, shamelessly, that I arrived back at the hotel later to find that I had ever-so-slightly signed my underwear in Brown Dye #2).
If I were the one on the phone when this occurred (and trust me, I wouldn’t have been), I would have said my goodbye and hung up my damn phone. But no, not Mr. Chattenleak. He actually had the gall (or stupidity) to turn to me and say "Do you mind?" My first thought was to say something really cynical and four-letter-ish. Instead, I felt that another blast was the best way to convey my sentiment. Fortunately for me, my gas-passing skills are rather good, and I was able to conjure up another fantastic rip-on-demand, this time with a urine-splash ending. This resulted in the desired "I gotta go" response.
A few minutes later, I walked out of the bathroom a proud man, my head held high. I felt I had done my civic duty (haha – I said doody). I only wish I could have heard the poor soul's reaction on the other side of that ill-fated call.
What would you have done?
1 comment:
this is the way a blog should be! thanks!
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