Why Girls Don't Fart

Thanks to @farts_are_funny, I found this little gem. I only watched it 10 or 15 times, but after every viewing, I mumbled to myself: Could this really be true???

Flatulent Comments Fall Flat

Several people have contacted me, wondering why their comments are not showing up. While I do moderate the comments, I have not been seeing any come in lately.

Trying to diagnose this, I changed the comment entry form to be a pop-up instead of an embedded form. This seems to be working better.

If you've tried to leave a comment recently and it's not showing up, and you have the gumption to re-post for all of us Constant Flatulators to enjoy, I'd be super-appreciative! And, just to be sure things are ok, feel free to reply to me via twitter @constflatulence to let me know there's a comment sitting in SBD state, waiting to be detected by my olfactory receptors...

A measurable quantity

First, a disclaimer: This story is a slight deviation from my merry tales of gas-passing. Maybe it's a bit off-topic for this blog, but I find humor in it, so I'm writing about it. And no, I didn't poop in a box. This is a nice, wholesome, innocent tale.

Now on to my story. If you're in tune with your bodily functions, as I am, you can probably recognize when you're going to have an all-out colon-cleansing experience. For me, the most alarming sequence occurs in the morning, and it goes something like this:

• Wake up, stumble downstairs, grind fresh beans, brew a strong batch of French Press


• Down 2 cups of coffee while eating a bowl of Kashi (10g fiber / serving) and a fistful of blueberries


• Sit down at the computer and start working, waiting for the moment to hit.


• Clench butt cheeks at the onset of anal eruption, and waddle down the hall hoping not to sneeze.


• Drop onto the Ring of Salvation, and let gravity take over.

I think the important point is that, when I feel that explosion brewing, I usually don't have an early-warning system. It hits instantly, and I'm on the run.

Unlike mid-day poops, my morning one is like an avalanche. It's fast, it's furious, it's mass-quantity. About a month ago, after a rather violent episode, I looked down at what I was flushing away (don't be disgusted - you know you look too!), and thought "WHOA - How did that all come out of ME? That must weigh a TON!"

And that, Constant Flatulators, is when I decided to weigh my poop. Now don't get all ewwwwww on me here. Like I said up front: I didn't poop in a box. That would make me say ewwwwwww. I came up with a much more elegant solution: I would weigh myself on the scale before and after my morning dump run.

I went through this ritual several times over the past few weeks. Mostly, I was disappointed, barely registering a tick on the big dial of the Health-O-Meter. But this morning, I hit paydirt. Maybe it was too much coffee. Or possibly my over-consumption of bananas yesterday followed by a hearty dinner at Noodles and Company. But this morning, I dropped nearly two pounds in 5 minutes! Disturbing, true, but curiously fascinating at the same time...

I don't think I'll be weighing my BM's any more, as I'm pretty sure I've discovered my potential, and certainly satisfied my own curiosity. But now I wonder - has anyone else ever done this? And if not, how about trying it out and letting me know your results? I'm thinking SOMEONE out there can beat two pounds!

Guy farts are worse than girl farts

The poll results are in, showing the guys just edging out the girls for "worst farts." I realize this is not scientific proof, but I think I concur (although there are always exceptions to the rule).

As a thank-you to those who voted, here's a little video I found. This girl obviously thinks she can out-gas the boys...

HOT GIRL FARTS 20 TIMES - Watch more Funny Videos